Wednesday, 24 September 2008

The Return of the Korg

There was a time when having a Korg keyboard meant two things: a) you were into, or indeed in Yazoo, or, b) you were a tool. That's the black and white of it really. Either you listened to punk, Link Wray, or The Smiths. or you went to Gary Numan Fan days and watched 'How'. These two distinct ways of life were impossible to equate. Plugging in anything other than a Marshall, AC30, or a Orange bass cab was about as far as you ever needed to get into electronics. And, in my humble opinion, those were better days. More wholesome, vibrant, and meaningful days. So what has happened? Everywhere I look these days - whether on TV, You Tube, or even on an open mic night down the local - everyone has a bloody keyboard. Well, a keyboard and slightly tilted baseball cap usually of the type, many years back, that would be left in the second hand bin without a secon thought. And to cap (sic) it all it seems to be hip and trendy to do so. How the f**k did we let this happen? Has it just crept back up on us without our due care and attention? Has it always been there but so hidden in the backstreets of Depford that we never knew? Either way it has to be addressed. Neigh, it has to be STOPPED. So, my good friends, I propose a plan of action..

1) Everytime you see a Korg, Casio, or god forbid a Yamaha, feel free to smash it up. Don't bother waiting for some quiet moment to sneak up un-noticed, just boldly stride up on stage with a hammer and attack the evil electronic demon. You will be thanked, trust me you will be the end.

2) Write as many letters as you can to the offending companies stating that your children have been emotionally damaged by keyboards. Provide examples of where Billy or Jess have been driven to shaking lunatics by likes of Kate Nash and Scouting For Girls. Prove to these fools that in any civillised word there is just no place for key tinkering tosh. Its for the best, really.

3) Buy Link Wray records and listen to nothing else. Simple...

Right, that's better.